In case you weren't aware, this was the Christmas episode for 2015. You can tell this by the sweeping shot that opens the episode, flying through falling snow with a splash of red (a crashed flying-saucer style space craft) and a variant of "Hark The Herald Angels Sing" playing over the top of it (a little fast to be sweet and comfortable, but pleasant nonetheless). Helpful captions tell us this is Mendorax Dellora, a human colony and it is indeed Christmas but the year is 5343. The shot finally settles to the ground and the familiar blue box of the TARDIS slides into shot with a sign on the door that reads "Carol singers will be criticised!"
To further confirm the setting, when the Doctor opens the door he is wearing novelty antlers, though he says they are holographic and blames the TARDIS! And that's it for the Christmas theme. The playful light comedy continues with Matt Lucas playing Nardole who has come to collect a surgeon and assuming the Doctor must be the man he is after - a classic case of mistaken identity that is confirmed after they leave the scene and the actual surgeon is seen asking for directions. They arrive at the crashed ship and as a hooded figure strolls down the exit ramp it is clear to anyone who has seen the trailers or read the title who this is but of course the Doctor has done neither. "You don't look much like your pictures" she says from beneath her deep-set fur lined hood "Well that's an ongoing problem for me..." replies the Doctor before asking "Do I know you?". Then, just as the hood flips down and you expect her to say "Hello Sweety!" River sternly announces "You most certainly do not!" and proceeds to tell him that her husband is dying... The last we hear, she married the Doctor, didn't she...?... Roll titles (adorned by snowflakes and baubles!
It turns out that River's husband is King Hydroflax played by Greg Davis in a big red armoured (and robotic) suit and he has a television audience awaiting great things as the surgeon does his work... the most valuable diamond in the universe is lodged inside his brain and River wants it, the easiest way would be to just remove his head (with the understanding that he's a vicious butchering conqueror so no great loss) but it turns out his head is completely removable anyway! Head ends up in bag and so the comedy continues...
While River explains that she basically married the diamond (so definitely no hard feelings about killing Hydroflax) we also discover that she's married to another man who isn't the Doctor - a chap called Ramone who teleports them to safety (but drops them a couple of feet off the ground) and has been looking for the Damsel... and it hasn't been easy because he does have 12 faces. Ramone flips open a cascading wallet of photographs of all the Doctors from William Hartnell to Matt Smith, including John Hurt. "What if he has a face you don't know about yet?" asks the Doctor pointedly. "He has limits." dismisses River.
You see, River really doesn't know who the Doctor is and he repeatedly tries to drop hints, some of which are very direct, yet River is too busy on her own adventure to accept the idea that he could have regenerated beyond his limit and since she was expecting a surgeon she just assumes that who he is. It makes a brilliant change from the flirting that normally ensues and we get to see how River behaves when the Doctor isn't around (outrageously badly with a wicked sense of morality). She does of course have her usual flirty edge but without the spark. She even says the Doctor is nobody special but terribly useful every now and then. She even has the audacity to steal the TARDIS, and not for the first time. This time, however, the Doctor is there and fully aware of it. He delights in having his own Bigger-On-The-Inside moment but completely hams it up.
On the flipside of that delight is standing next to River as she espouses her lament at loving the Doctor while he has never lover her. Beautifully poetic but tragically sad until she noticing him stood right next to her, smiling gently. A second chance to have 'his turn' comes as the realisation sets in... "Hello Sweety." Once the embarrassment has settled, the flirting begins at full throttle and the adventure really kicks off, 40 minutes after the episode started!
Of course, it has to come to an end at some point and the star ship they find themselves in careering into a planet is a pretty good climax... but of course there is an escape plan. A kind of epilogue ensues when they both realise the planet they are about to crash on is Derilium, precisely at the famous singing towers where it is said they spend their last night together! As if to prove his hitherto unspoken love for the now unconscious River, the Doctor gives the diamond to a man at the crash site and suggests he build a restaurant there. A quick press of a button and on-off of the TARDIS's big throw-switch takes them forward in time to see the completed restaurant when he books a table for two. The earliest available slot is Christmas Day in four years time - no problem, another quick hop and they are there. The pair spend a gloriously emotional time together after the Doctor gives River a gift... music swells as the box is opened to reveal the sonic screwdriver first seen in Silence In The Library. It all amounts to a final farewell and tying up of a loose thread, taking River's story full circle. I even went on to watch her first adventure again before writing this review. The final moment of the episode sees the Doctor and River face to face and looking into each other's eyes in a moment that would have been a soppy kiss on any other show, but not Doctor Who. Instead it just fades to black and we get a caption that reads "And they both lived happily ever after..." like a fairytale ending, before the last two words disintegrate and fly away leaving a slightly more truthful "And they both lived happily". But we know that too is not the case so the first four words disintegrate to simply leave "happily" until that flutters away too.
I really enjoyed this year's Christmas romp, partly thanks to the magical ending but also the playfulness of River not knowing the Doctor. Little details not mentioned yet are River's sonic trowel (because she is an archaeologist after all) and her special spritzer that gives her an instant makeover on two occasions (oh and count how many costumes she goes through over all!) Also notice that the village street is actually a redressing of the Trap Street set.
One final point to make comes only from hindsight thanks to my delay in writing this review. I've added Nardole in the labels of this post because it would seem that he has become a de facto new companion. Indeed, DoctorWhoNews.net still have him in their banner next to Capaldi where the companion's portrait normally sits, and there's no sign of Pearl Mackie as Bill. Maybe she will appear next week once she's actually appeared in the show. All that said, the point I want to raise is that Nardole had his head cut off by the robotic body of Hydroflax and was last seen assimilated by it along with Ramone working at the restaurant. One can only assume that the producers liked the character so much that they decided he was worth keeping. We'll find out in the next review how his presence is explained (though I get the feeling it was glossed over). There was no new series in 2016 so we have the joy (maybe) of two Christmas specials back to back...
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